Friday, May 30, 2014

Had our weekly therapy appt last night (all four of us go to different therapists).  Sometimes it's amazing how vomiting up all the emotional feelings can make you feel so much better - just getting it all out and verbalizing it to someone else makes you feel better even if it doesn't fix anything.

I'm so tired of money problems I could scream, but that's what happens when you pick losers for father's  - no child support.  I must be one of the dumbest women in the universe.  Who has three kids and gets 0 child support? Me that's who! LOL  I know so many women who get between $400 - $800 a  month for one child - one!  My oldest two daughter's dad is order to pay $50 a month for both - yes you read that right $50 - he was unemployed at the time of the divorce and hasn't held a paying job since we divorced in 2005 except for a brief stint while he was on work release - I got $170 a month then because of the arrearages.  My youngest daughter's father's rights have been terminated and even if he was ordered to pay anything he couldn't because he's in prison for the next 27 1/2 years and will probably die there - his health is not the greatest.

For some unknown reason I am looking forward to this weekend even though I have no money to do anything special.  Planning on trimming the bushes by the front porch, cleaning off the back porch, laundry, organize my room, plan a cleaning routine with the girls, maybe go to the park one day and go for a nature walk.  The thought of doing all of these things makes me feel productive which makes me feel positive.

I guess I'm just a hopeless optimist, no matter how bad things get I just keep on going like the Energizer Bunny, I never quit.  Sometimes I think to myself, why do I keep going, how do I keep going and I know the answer is my daughters.  I am all they have.