K came back home on Tuesday.  She is def improved and improving more every day.  I wonder if I shouldn't have done this back in October of last year and saved all of us a lot of suffering, but I know there is no use wasting time on shoulda coulda woulda, the best thing to do is focus on the future.  Once again I'm hoping things are finally starting to come together.

There have been other lots of positive things happening too like making new friends, helping others, and M seeming to be doing wonderfully despite all she has gone through.  I'm trying to concentrate on the positives and be hopeful. I believe! I believe! I believe!

K woke me up at 4am this morning.   She told me that she is "getting bad" again and that she had cut last night.  She told me that she feels like killing herself and she wanted me to take her to the mental hospital because she doesn't feel like she can control the urge anymore.  Her arm looked terrible, about like these


So, I took her.  Honestly, I think she felt relieved.  I think she wants to be better but what we were doing was not working.  I'm praying they can help her.  I hate to see her like this.  What makes it even crazier is I thought she was doing better.  Yesterday she posted pictures from lunch at school looking like she was having fun, then she went to a festival with a friend.  I thought she was doing good.  Then she wakes me up and tells me my whole perception is totally off.  It makes me feel like I have no powers of perception.  However, I am so glad she told me.  A friend of mine told me he knows three families whose children have committed suicide and there was no warning, no indication that anything was wrong with them, until the killed themselves their families had no idea anything was wrong.  That's scary.

Please keep up in your prayers.

I never really understood depression until I read these two posts:

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2013/05/depression-part-two.html

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html

I listed them out of order because I actually like the 2nd one better for helping you understand a depressed person who is already depressed.

It's hard to accept that my daughter has depression.  Sunday we had an awesome day, well really a pretty awesome weekend.  Then late evening I'm walking by her room and I think I hear her laughing then moments later I realize she is crying.  I go into her room and ask her what's wrong.  She says nothing.  We talk.  She tells me that she is so tired of being sad all the time.  That she wants to be happy but can't.  This breaks my heart.  This should be the time of her life instead she sits in her room in the dark and cries.  Then I hear about Robin Williams committing suicide.  My daughter assures me all the time she will never do this because she knows how hard it would be on me and she doesn't want to add to my troubles.  She saw the psychiatrist yesterday, he upped her pills to 40mg Prozac.  I'm hoping it helps.  Something to help her brain allow her to experience happiness again.  She started high school on Monday, hates it.  She told me she sat outside by herself at lunch because she was too afraid (self-conscious) to go into the cafeteria.  It's not like she doesn't know people, she went to one of the main feeder schools but she has no "friends" just acquaintances.  Please pray for her.

One of the most profound things I ever read about relationships to determine if it's healthy is if your partner is an anchor around your ankle dragging you down or lifting you up.  If it's dragging you down then you need to stop and reevaluate.  Truth.


I'm not gonna say things are going good because I'm afraid of jinxing it (but I'm sure you can read between the lines).  I mean there are definitely still alot of problems but I'm hopeful for the future - again.  Sometimes I wonder like another blogger I read how many times you can keep picking yourself up after your life gets flattened again, but I guess the answer is as long as it takes.