Monday, July 28, 2014
One thing I must say is that when this terrible thing happened to my family I was supported my friends and family personally and at work. Words cannot express how helpful this was in me maintaining my sanity. Although I felt and still feel like a failure as a mother, the fact that my friends and coworkers did not abandon me made me feel a little better, like I wasn't a total pariah a la Casey Anthony. Yes, that's who I compare myself to a mother who killed her own child. I try not to focus on my guilt very much because ultimately it's not helpful to the girls or me and that's where the focus needs to be, on their healing and recovery, not a mom pity party. Plus I think if I allowed myself to wallow in my self-hatred it might get out of hand and cause more harm.