Friday, June 6, 2014

I talked to the therapist yesterday and her analogy was a great one:  if you have a serious physical wound it has to be treated, sometimes it's painful and it may hurt, but in order for it to heal, it has to be done.  Same thing with a serious emotional trauma.  So, my middle girl is continuing with therapy.

As I read my posts, I think to myself what a terrible mother I am and that I'm not fit to live nor enjoy the privilege of being in my daughter' s lives.  I don't deserve it at all, but it's really not about me.  It's about what is best for them and what is best for them is having their mom keep it together and be there for them, and though I failed at my job, I have been given a second chance and I am eternally grateful.  I have been that person who hears about the mom who let her children get abused by their boyfriend and thinks what a piece of shit she is,  but not that person is me and I hate it.  I hate being that person, but I I have to admit I am that person.  I have to own my responsibility in what happened to my kids.  I think about it everyday and regret it every moment, but I can't let it take over my life.  I have to be in the present and try my best to help my daughter's heal.

There are not many blogs written by women who's children have been abused and I hope this blog helps anyone who is in or thinks they might be in my situation.

Some advice I would offer is, report it to the police, not to CPS.  The police can actually take action immediately and then CPS will get involved, but law enforcement in my opinion provides a more accountable forum for a child molester.  Secondly, get away from the man; your child will never be able to feel safe until he no longer has any type of access/communication to them and even contact with you taints your relationship with your child.  After I reported my husband, I never talked to him again and I only saw him three times in court.  Accept that the person you thought you knew does not exist, that person was a facade he created to get to your children, he evil and he did not care about you or your children - period.   I know they claim pedophilia is a sickness, but they have a choice and they can choose not to act on their perversion.

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