Wednesday, June 4, 2014

My middle daughter, the one that he molested, wants to stop going to therapy.   She says it is a waste of time and she doesn't need it.  I told her she needed to talk to her therapist about it. After a a few weeks she finally did and then I thought her therapist had said it was all resolved and then at the beginning of this week she says, so mom can I quit therapy? Arrrrrrrrrrrggghhhh. LOL  So, I start thinking about the situation.  If she doesn't want to go to therapy and isn't manifesting problems (her grades are good, she isn't having problems socially, our relationship has improved), should I still make her go?  I called her therapist yesterday to discuss it,  but she is out sick and she is out sick again today, our appt is tomorrow.  This probably sounds terrible, but I'm so jaded now, would a therapist tell you it's ok to quit, I mean they have a vested interest in continuing, I know as a professional it would be expected but honestly I have my doubts.  However, when I think about what she suffered through, I go the other way.  I'm thinking perhaps cut it back to once a month for the summer and see how it goes - a compromise not quitting completely but not having to go every week.  We shall see what the therapist thinks of my plan.

I still have a hard time saying my daughter was molested.  I HATE so much that this happened to her, to all of us but most especially her. Before this happened to my family, I never realized how prevalent it's occurrence actually is in society - it's so terrible. As many as 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 7 boys will be sexually abused at some point in their childhood (  1 in 3 girls.  I think this statistic should get WAY more publication. 

This is a great article

Red flags:
Red Flag Behaviors And Warning Signs
1. Someone who repeatedly ignores social, emotional or physical boundaries or limits.
2. Someone who singles out one child as a “special friend”, lavishing them with a lot of extra attention, gifts, flattery – developing an age-inappropriate relationship with that child.
3. Someone who often insists upon or suggests a lot of uninterrupted “alone” time with a child.
4. Someone who refuses to let a child set any of his or her own limits.
5. Someone who insists on hugging, touching, kissing, tickling, wrestling with or holding a child even when the child does not want this physical contact or attention.
6. Someone who shares inappropriate personal or private information with a child, that should normally by shared with adults only.
7. Someone who frequently points out sexual images or tells inappropriate, suggestive stories or jokes with children present.
8. Someone who seems overly interested in the sexuality of a particular child or teen, and talks repeatedly about the child's developing body.
9. Someone who appears to be “too good to be true”, frequently offering to baby sit different children for free; taking children on special outings alone; often buying children gifts or giving them money for no apparent reason - especially an adult who does not have children of their own.
10. Someone who frequently walks in on children/teens in the bathroo

Looking back these are the things that occurred in my situation:
1.  Skinnydipping (said I was too inhibited and was teaching the girls to be repressed too and after I told them no more skinnydipping they kept it a secret from me)
2.  Encouraging the girls to have "secrets" with him (about him taking them to get their haircut, tasting alcohol, skinnydipping) - I didn't find this out til later
3.  Not covering up when walking from bathroom to bedroom (when I objected he ridiculed me for being old-fashioned and foisting my inhibitions and sexual repression onto the girls and said I was teaching them to be ashamed of their bodies)
4.  A no boyfriend rule for the girls (his justification was that at their young age they didn't need the emotional drama a boyfriend would entail which would distract them from the school work and extracurricular activities - made sense to me but I still thought it was kinda of weird)
5.  When we first met, he volunteered to babysit - what 40 year old man wants to babysit? None!!!!  I didn't let him, but still.  I think this may have been the biggest RED FLAG that I didn't catch, now I see it.
6.  His penchant for wanting to walk around in the nude and for everyone else to also because nudity was natural and there was nothing to be ashamed of and society was the one who had made us become ashamed of our bodies and made everything sexual.   I never went along with this either and he also ridiculed me for that.
7.  His disgust for pedophiles.

These are the only things I can think of - I may add more later.  I'm sure as you read this, you think what a fucking moron, but for normal non-pedophile people, it's hard to imagine that the man who espouses things like "proper behavior fears no exposure" and "say what you mean and mean what you say"  and "honesty is my only policy" and was "honest" and "forthright",  could be capable of such deceit.  After this came out, I discovered many shocking things about this man and family I thought I knew so well.

No comments:

Post a Comment