Thursday, June 26, 2014

My oldest daughter suffers from depression.  When her biological father and I divorced, I took her and her sister to counseling (they did play therapy) to help them deal with the divorce and him.  She was diagnosed at 5 with slight anxiety and depression when they did her psychological testing.  I wish I had taken that more seriously.  She has always had issues with anger since the divorce.  There was a time when I didn't leave her alone with her little sister because I was afraid that she would hurt her (this was from around the time she was 5-8).  I really didn't think she would, but I also didn't want to take a chance.  Although what we have been through definitely did not help her situation, I think it would have happened anyway. 

I know I did not really understand depression until last year.  There is a great blog post that I read that helped me really understand what it is like to be depressed.  Even now, sometimes I lose sight of how she feels.  I hate that she feels this way and I hate that there is nothing I can really do for her - she is in treatment and I hope this will not be her life forever, but I'm so afraid, well honestly, I think she has chronic depression, that it is something she will have to struggle with her whole life.  I truly believe had her bio father been a decent human being and we could have stayed married that perhaps she would not have developed this disease and it would have stayed dormant because until our divorce she was a very kind, helpful, happy child.  I thought I knew so much at that time in my life, but I really was dumb - I never thought about what he would be like as a Dad I just loved him, but now oh how I wish I had considered that before getting involved with any man.

My middle daughter is really doing better every day.  Since the last talk her therapist had with her about therapy, I no longer have to make her go or face an argument the day of the appt.  She has stayed home more and seems to enjoy being with her family more.  I cannot even express how happy that makes me.  I know she will not escape what happened to her unscathed but it is my hope that she will overcome it and thrive.

I am so thankful that the young girl whom he was grooming took the actions she did, if she hadn't I would have never discovered what he was doing.  Although looking back, I probably should have, I never had suspicious that he was a pedophile and if it hadn't been for her I probably never would have thought it.

1 comment:

  1. I think therapy will help her--at least she will come to realize that none of what happened was her fault and also, that she didn't have much control over what he did to her.